GOD IS GOOD

A SUNSET

DRAPER’S PAPER ROUTE

GOD IS GOOD

by Adam Carroll Draper

When I was in grade school, we were taught that an atom was the smallest particle that could exist by itself or in conjunction with other particles.  In high school physics, I learned of a theory that there were smaller particles, called quarks and leptons.  Later, it was proven quarks and leptons exist, as do anti-quarks and anti-leptons (antimatter).  Atoms are still referred to as elements, but the smaller ones are called elementary particles.  Ok, so what are the elementary particles made of?  Without getting too far into the weeds, many physicists believe that the answer to this question is key to resolving or unifying quantum theory and relativity.  At the heart of it, to me, is that this is yet another example that we, as humans, are always looking for essence.  It is as if this is how we are made.  When we search after God, that is sort of what we do, we long to know His essence, how He is.  Metaphorically speaking, we long to know God’s elementary particles. 

Around a decade after I began the journey into the undiscovered country of “do not worry” (which I discussed two weeks ago in this blog), I had a more painful revelation.  I was on the floor in the middle of my living room, pouring my heart out to Him.  A profound sense of all the pain I had caused in my life had overwhelmed me, and I was on my face, sobbing to Him in profound and aching apology to Him, asking for comfort to the people I had hurt so.  I did not hear a voice, but I knew He was speaking to me, and it was as profoundly real to me as if I heard audibly.  This was more of a knowing certainty, a calm, comforting absoluteness.  He knew the anguish I was feeling and was completely forgiving, but He asked me why I did those things that caused so much pain.  I realized that He was not asking me because He did not know, but that He wanted me to search this out, to dig deeply and earnestly for the truth. 

It took a bit.  I sat up, and sort of hung out there on the floor, thinking about various debaucheries and the crappy things I had done in complete disregard to how they would hurt people I really loved – and others I should have loved.  Eventually, a realization sort of congealed in me.

“Dad, I just wanted to be happy,” I said.

Immediately, a warmth of content understanding and peace came over me.  I simply knew that He was pleased with my answer and a certainty resolved in me, which was Him saying, “I Am happiness.”  Before we “murder to dissect” this revelation with doctrine on happiness, lets allow the essence of it to flow.  He was telling me that He is what it means to be happy, the elementary particle of happiness, if you will.   I simply understood that all the times I had been doing those things without regard to the pain I was inflicting on others (and sometimes deliberately to inflict pain), desperately groping for happiness, I was really trying to find Him because He is happiness.  So, although I was deliberately doing things in direct disobedience to Him, thinking I was running away from Him, all the while I was necessarily still searching after Him – Who happiness Is!

It was as if Dad was saying to me, “I know. But I am happiness.  You were searching for me all along, and I gave you credit for that, even when you intended to run from me.  See, I make your crooked paths straight!”

Is He good or what?